(no subject)

juice fast time. shooting for 15 days.
I'm doing this for a lot of reasons. to break food addiction, get out of the habit of binging & purging, lose a little weight!, prove that I DO have control, clean out my system, & start 2010 on a good note. 

(no subject)

I haven't seen my boyfriend in like 3 weeks. hope to god I'll get to be with him tomorrow. being away from him for so long really takes a toll on me. stupid distance.
oh well. I weigh less than last time, so that's good..
I slept until nearly 12 p.m. so I got out of breakfast. yay. having hot tea right now. don't really care what I eat later, if really anything. a boring day lays ahead with nothing to do. bleh.
ever noticed how 90% of the time as soon as a band/artist gets popular & mainstream, they SUCK?gahh all time low, nevershoutnever, owl city, brokencyde, hollywood undead, what happened? you used to be so cute.
don't judge my taste in music by that little bit btw. it varies like you wouldn't believe.
anyway I'm pretty upset with my 'friend'.. for a couple years we were the inseperable best friends, but now she won't talk to me. I don't know what I did. she was the most accepting person ever, she was never ever judgemental or bitchy, & I mean we pretty much fucked. it's not like we weren't close. we were. but not anymore. it's like she could care less. I don't know what happened. I just miss having a best friend.
loneliness=2. me=0.
  • Current Mood
    apathetic apathetic

why hello there, I have neglected you.

I haven't posted in my actual journal in ages, jeez!
well that situation with my ex is way over. at the homecoming dance he was with his new chick and blah blah blah, crying ensued, I left early & life sucked some major balls. thats old news now. don't wanna talk about it. moving on.

happy november! I'm super psyched to lose this weight. I will be under 100 lbs by thanksgiving. thank goddd for double digits!

todays been super good for me & totally necessary. I've been in such a good mood, my friends weren't being bitches, I speed-walked for an hour, & all I've eaten so far is a bit more than half a banana. dinner shall be some brussels con ketsup or a rice cake con hotsauce- or a combination of the two. (:

congratulations, morallycliche. you're one step closer to 87 & one step farther from fatassness.

btw- who's heard of destery, that guy from IDEK on youtube? holy god he cracks me up so bad. I love that guy.
if you haven't heard of him go to youtube RIGHT NOW. type in IDEK, watch one, & thank me later! (:

  • Current Mood
    predatory predatory

first post as morallycliche

"She flashed a picture just to remember me better
my eyelashes stuttered, two weeks and ill forget her
forever imprinted on the mind-time diwndles each decision
only met her thrice, each time was worth revisitin, try to
listen but intuition can't hear inhibitions
so I pursue dead ends,
depression that can't be cured by
definition of attraction
should include fatal because minds are stable until ms.
graceful passed chance glances vergin' on playful, distatestful, but

she made me want to shake that virgin label,
face-full of freckles a smile to melt ice-i-culs
type-to-pull out a chair fo', left me like a scare crow
narrow my thought process, forgettin' responsibility,
lost in her tranquility, its silly, but real,
she has the ability to kill pain and re-create it,
my beautiful depression, here's my heart please-take it

Light the fire and burn my heart,
crush my lungs alone in the dark,
paint these walls with red light,
this is the end, this is good night

Swimming in a bowl of water, she circles the space alone,
a pack a roll of quarters, she sits on my cellular phone,
I check the digital post-its, she hasn't learned a thing,
well I'm spittin' this lound n' clear, yo yo can you hear me?
I'm making this awkward, why'd I have to tell my friends,
I'm not the one who fucked up, you brought this to it's end,

All these last ditch efforts, they're too late, too little,
we're different types of clay, but from the same puzzle,
you're miserable, I know it, even the internet shows it,
you changed ya hair, ya looks, it doesn't kill ya habits,

I stabbed you back with posture, personality and sanity,
I'm brushin' my teeth now, I'm done with cavaties,

on completely different paths, I run through rain puddles,
our feet get wet and cold, my words keep gettin' fumbled,

animal instincts put your body first, your heart in last,
I see you've jumped the fence, how green is the grass?

I wake up to darkness admist the morning mist,
trying to make fists from weak mourning wrists
and now I sleep in more-so than ever, rest severed
by the image of her torso, chest n' whether or not
she even feels my thoughts from across that 91

riding hunches prematurely pathetic, left it,
with these last four bars take feelings and supress them,
force scars to heal release passive agression,
free myself from any lasting impressions,
goodbye forever, my beautiful depression

Those pictures I drew do they stare from your walls,
and are you still broken does it hurt when you fall?
No perfection through silence, just know that I miss you,
the break's never clean, my heart is still see through,
so flash the light towards my torso, my empty chamber,

reach your hands inside, it's still warm and remember,
I'll make you laugh, make you beg to taste the past,
it's simply that, history, heartbreak at last

so I watch you day to day...alone in that glass house...
and I'm waiting for you to die...okay, alright...I'm done now...

this situation is killer. stuck between the guy I've loved- honestly loved- for about a year and a half now who is currently my boyfriend (let's call him C), and the guy I met when C and I were "off" and fighting at the beginning of this year (my first serious, real boyfriend, N). I don't know how it will turn out and I'm scared.
the stress of this situation doesn't help the fact that my ED is currently worse than ever before.
or that my weight is only a few pounds away from the highest it's been during this whole ordeal
ugh, lovely. :(