"She flashed a picture just to remember me better
my eyelashes stuttered, two weeks and ill forget her
forever imprinted on the mind-time diwndles each decision
only met her thrice, each time was worth revisitin, try to
listen but intuition can't hear inhibitions
so I pursue dead ends, depression that can't be cured by
medicine, definition of attraction
should include fatal because minds are stable until ms.
graceful passed chance glances vergin' on playful, distatestful, but
she made me want to shake that virgin label,
face-full of freckles a smile to melt ice-i-culs
type-to-pull out a chair fo', left me like a scare crow
narrow my thought process, forgettin' responsibility,
lost in her tranquility, its silly, but real,
she has the ability to kill pain and re-create it,
my beautiful depression, here's my heart please-take it
Light the fire and burn my heart,
crush my lungs alone in the dark,
paint these walls with red light,
this is the end, this is good night
Swimming in a bowl of water, she circles the space alone,
a pack a roll of quarters, she sits on my cellular phone,
I check the digital post-its, she hasn't learned a thing,
well I'm spittin' this lound n' clear, yo yo can you hear me?
I'm making this awkward, why'd I have to tell my friends,
I'm not the one who fucked up, you brought this to it's end,
All these last ditch efforts, they're too late, too little,
we're different types of clay, but from the same puzzle,
you're miserable, I know it, even the internet shows it,
you changed ya hair, ya looks, it doesn't kill ya habits,
I stabbed you back with posture, personality and sanity,
I'm brushin' my teeth now, I'm done with cavaties,
on completely different paths, I run through rain puddles,
our feet get wet and cold, my words keep gettin' fumbled,
animal instincts put your body first, your heart in last,
I see you've jumped the fence, how green is the grass?
I wake up to darkness admist the morning mist,
trying to make fists from weak mourning wrists
and now I sleep in more-so than ever, rest severed
by the image of her torso, chest n' whether or not
she even feels my thoughts from across that 91
riding hunches prematurely pathetic, left it,
with these last four bars take feelings and supress them,
force scars to heal release passive agression,
free myself from any lasting impressions,
goodbye forever, my beautiful depression
Those pictures I drew do they stare from your walls,
and are you still broken does it hurt when you fall?
No perfection through silence, just know that I miss you,
the break's never clean, my heart is still see through,
so flash the light towards my torso, my empty chamber,
reach your hands inside, it's still warm and remember,
I'll make you laugh, make you beg to taste the past,
it's simply that, history, heartbreak at last
so I watch you day to day...alone in that glass house...
and I'm waiting for you to die...okay, alright...I'm done now..."
this situation is killer. stuck between the guy I've loved- honestly loved- for about a year and a half now who is currently my boyfriend (let's call him C), and the guy I met when C and I were "off" and fighting at the beginning of this year (my first serious, real boyfriend, N). I don't know how it will turn out and I'm scared.
the stress of this situation doesn't help the fact that my ED is currently worse than ever before.
or that my weight is only a few pounds away from the highest it's been during this whole ordeal
ugh, lovely. :(